There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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