Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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