Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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