I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Less talking, more tequila
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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