whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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