you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
