I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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