You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
