one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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