bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
