i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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