I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
