We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
