i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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