My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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