I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
