i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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