Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This baby is an asshole
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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