you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
