My liver just broke up with me...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize