dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
