I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize