if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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