I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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