hell yes lets make some ravioli
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
