i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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