i permit you to call me
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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