I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
