wanna go halves on a baby?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
