you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
