suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
