So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
