Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
