we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
