the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
