so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
