im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
