You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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