i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
