Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
