Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
