Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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