i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
