I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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