I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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