1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize