i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
