I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
