Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
