I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
