Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
