If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
