i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
