I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We're too hungover to prance.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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