Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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