you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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