I faked an abortion last night.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
