as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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