I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
