I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
