Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
