I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
