yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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