Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
