It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
