wanna go halves on a baby?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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