you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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