can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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