Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
