i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
