brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
