It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
