Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
