he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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