it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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